


Now and Forever

by too_mani_frogs_here



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Luke Patterson is bad at feelings, M/M, Reggie peters is bad at feelings, fun fact: this was not supposed to be this long, i also never grew up in the nineties so expect some errors, it’s very cheesy, they slow dance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:09:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29875440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/too_mani_frogs_here/pseuds/too_mani_frogs_here
Summary: “You know you don’t have to pretend with me, right?” He brushed his thumb across his cheekbone. “You can talk to me if you want to.”“...I know.” He places his hand over the lead singer’s, eyes stinging a bit, before lowering them again. “I just...need sometime alone right now. I’m sorry...”He disappeared.Or: Luke finds and old playlist he made for Reggie back in ‘95 and the two and a half decade gap between their old life and now becomes a bit too much for the bassist to handle.
Relationships: Luke Patterson/Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms)
Kudos: 33





	Now and Forever

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! This is my first fanfic in the fandom and on ao3 in general, so I don’t expect it to be perfect and will accept any constructive criticism. This is also the first fanfic I’ve published in, like, four years so yeah. I hope it’s okay lol
> 
> I’d also like to point out if you haven’t read the tags that I didn’t grow up in the nineties and it’s very obvious here so if there are any errors I am very sorry. I tried to look up what I could. And secondly, this was Not supposed to be this long but I got a bit carried away in the end lol
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

The afternoon sun shone through the garage window, washing the room in a soft, warm glow. It bounced off the rustic-white walls and flickered around the room, giving it a very homey atmosphere. It was well past three now, Julie was in her room studying since she mentioned a calculus test due in a few days before she made her way upstairs. God, he did not miss high school. And Alex said he was meeting with Willie to quote, “Discuss the afterlife and stuff.” He knew better than to tease him, because he knew he’d play right back with a remark about him dating their band mate, and he was not in the mood to not get the last word in. And considering how fast Alex disappeared to meet his ‘ghost friend’, he knew he wouldn’t have had the chance to, anyway. 

By now, he was halfway through one of the garbage bags he’d found lying in one of the corners of the loft containing their old stuff from a lifetime ago. To him, only a couple months ago. It’s weird, to be honest. Finding bags and boxes of your old life you’re sure only happened mere weeks ago, only to find countless evidence that the time between his old life and now was a far bigger gap. He’d sit and reminisce if it weren’t for the curiosity that took hold at a bunch of their stuff being kept here in the first place. How much did they save? And why? 

He’d ask Julie about it one day, but for now, he’s okay with shuffling through old garments and dusty, now ancient, he’d supposed, items and school supplies. He’d found this bag after sitting in the loft for a few hours and struggling to write a new song. He’d wanted to wait for Julie but he thought starting something would do them both good, and make later additions a lot easier. After a couple hours of static, he carefully sorted through the things near him out of boredom when he came across a second plastic bag he guessed Alex had missed when he found their old clothes. After bringing it down to the middle of the room, he started going through it, not even waiting for the others to return before digging into their old lives before he lost too much interest. 

He had just found one of Reggie’s old plaid shirts when he felt a pair of hands on his shoulders. 

“Gahh!” He jumped, but the hands only brought themselves around his torso. The laugh coming from the owner of said hands was the only thing settling his nerves about being startled and now, being squeezed from behind. He knew that laugh like it was his own. 

Reggie placed his head on Luke’s shoulder, still embracing him, and settled his laughter into short giggles. “Hi.” He planted a quick kiss on his boyfriend’s cheek, the seventeen year old’s (now forty two? He didn’t know how this worked) arms finally settling themselves around his own. 

“Hey,” he greeted, giving him an unimpressed look, which earned a chuckle from the other boy and another short kiss, on his lips this time. “Having fun?”

He hummed, “Only a little...I didn’t know your voice could even reach that high.” He was only now untangling himself from embrace, leaving his arm around the lead singer’s left shoulder and settling beside him, still chuckling a bit. 

“Yeah, don’t tell Alex about that part.” And another chuckle from how desperate he had sounded. He meant it as a joke, but to be honest, he would not survive the teasing he’s sure to get later. 

“Don’t worry. I won’t say anything while you’re around...” The lead singer played an offended look, which Reggie couldn’t take seriously with how hard he was fighting his smirk. 

“And just for that, I won’t be giving you this,” he raised the hand that had been holding Reggie’s old flannel, and jerked it away as he made attempts to reach for it, making an _upupup _sound to stop him, “Say you’re sorry first.”__

____

____

His arms deflated and he had a look of playful disbelief, with just a hint of desperation because he really did like that shirt. “Fine...I’m sorry.” the last part was more of a mutter, and Luke cupped his ear with his free hand and furrowed his brows, “What was that? I didn’t hear you.” 

“I said I’m sorry,” he groaned, earning a chuckle from the other and finally, the aged fabric of his beloved collared shirt. He grabbed it as soon as he extended his arm, holding it a few inches from himself to inspect the garment that surprisingly only had two moth-eaten holes. “Aww, I missed this! Where’d you find it?” 

Luke took a step back and gestured toward a garbage bag with junk spilling out in all directions, “This old bag I found in the loft. I guess Alex had missed it - it has a bunch of our old stuff including old notebooks and junk. Here!” He reached down and came up with a patch of fabric with a sloppy rendition of an L made out of thread, “Remember my sad attempt at embroidery? I could never get the stitches right. Still looks good as new! Or, well...new...”

Reggie followed Luke’s eyesight to the items around him, just now noticing the heap of old junk surround their shoes. Old clothes, flyers for venues he‘s not sure are still even open, crumpled notebook pages with discarded song lyrics, even a yellow dog plushie from when he was nine that he had brought over here one night rested against one of Alex’s old sweatshirts. “Wow, I can’t believe they saved all this stuff...”

“Me neither. I don’t know why, either, but it’s cool to look through all the stuff we brought over here. Can’t believe Bobby ever let us bring this junk over. I mean,” he paused, reaching for a wooden figure, the limbs shifted to rest on his hip joints and his head a bit tilted, “Really? I don’t even draw!”

Reggie grabbed it from his hands, laughing. “Ha! I forgot you had this.” He took a moment to survey the pile before picking up the small puppy his eyes had been transfixed on for the last five minutes, “I forgot we had most of these.”

“I know right? Sometimes I forget it’s been two decades since we last saw these.” He distractedly picked up the wooden man that Reggie dropped in favor of the stuffed animal, moving the arms around to cross them. He didn’t even notice the shift in Reggie’s mood until he looked up at him, staring at the dog in his hands a bit distantly. “Hey, Reg...you okay?”

It took a moment before he heard, “Huh? Yeah...it’s just...weird. All those years, just... _gone _, you know?” He has never seen Reggie seem so deflated before. Except maybe....after his parents fought. He’d come over here and him and Luke would throw on a movie or some music and cuddle on the pullout bed, until at least one of them could forget about their family drama. The movie, in question, almost always being a movie from the Star Wars trilogy. Now, he’d guessed, Star Wars saga.__

____

____

_So _weird.__

____

____

“Yeah...” he hated seeing Reggie this down. He hadn’t seen it in a while, since they started playing music again. Since they joined a band with Julie. He couldn’t even pretend he didn’t feel off some days, as well, but he didn’t want to bring the other guys down. They had a second chance. He couldn’t blow it with his dumb feelings. “Hey!” His eyes caught on something buried beneath one of Alex’s old books and one of his sleeveless band tees. A CD.

When he picked it up, Reggie finally let his eyes fall from the puppy and settled on the flat case in Luke’s hands. “Hey, is that...?”

Turning it over, Luke saw his sloppy handwriting on the cover. “Yep! Looks good as new.” The words, ‘prom playlist’ looked back at Reggie when Luke turned it over for him to see. He thought back to that night, barely months before they got a gig at the orpheum. 

“Wow, I can’t believe it’s still here. And not too damaged by the look of things.” Considering the mess of moth eaten garments laid around them, the yellow stains around the whites of the case could go overlooked. They’d be lucky if the cd was still in the case. “I remember Alex stalling me outside while you and Bobby set up the last of the decorations.”

They both chuckled at that, “Correction, I was setting up the last of the directions while Bobby ‘taste tested’ the punch.” He air quoted, and followed with another fit of giggles. “You wanna put it on?”

“Sure.” He sat down on the couch while Luke made his way over the mess and to the player, next to the couch. Replacing their demo with a just-as-outdated playlist made specifically for his boyfriend in plaid, he set it in and pressed play, skipping a couple songs to one of his favorites. 

Russel Hitchcock’s voice filled the studio as the first lyrics of “All Out of Love” played from the speaker. He took a step back and admired his voice and the guitar for a few seconds, before turning to Reggie, who was still sitting on the couch. Before thinking, he made his way over and extended a hand, “May I?” If he attempted a dramatic bow, no one needed to know. Especially not Alex. 

But when he raised his head, that look had returned on his bandmate’s face. He relaxed his hand, letting it lower a bit then inching forward toward the bassist. “Hey,” he let his hand rest against Reggie’s cheek, turning his head a bit to meet his eyes, “You sure you’re okay?” 

It took a moment before he registered it, “Hm? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” His smile was a bit forced. Luke could tell. He hated that smile. He always wore it whenever he tried to be strong for his friends and pretend everything was fine. Ignoring his own feelings. 

“You know you don’t have to pretend with me, right?” He brushed his thumb across his cheekbone. “You can talk to me if you want to.” 

“...I know.” He places his hand over the lead singer’s, eyes stinging a bit, before lowering them again. “I just...need sometime alone right now. I’m sorry...” 

He disappeared. 

Luke was left confused. The music continued playing, completely forgotten in the background. He didn’t move. Did he do something wrong? Maybe he shouldn’t have asked him to dance. They could’ve just continued looking through stuff, but no, he had to push, and now Reggie was god knows where. He considered the beach, as he knew that was his favorite spot, but like he said, he needed alone time. And he could do that. Somehow. 

He screwed up. 

~~~ 

He had been staring at a piece of lint, _when had he sat down? _When the garage doors opened. He barely registered the actual creaking of the doors before the sunlight hit him and he suddenly forgot when and where he was. Squinting through the light that reflected off of the grand piano and, conveniently, straight into his eyes, he saw a figure making their way towards him. They had long curly hair. _Not Reggie. _____

_____ _

____

“Hey, Luke! Whatcha listening to?” He saw her move towards the player before stopping at pile of garbage before her, “Woah, what happened here?”

Julie! Right, his friend Julie. Julie, who rescued them from that Dark Room by playing their demo, who he writes songs with and even convinced to join his band. No. Her band. Right. That Julie. The Julie that is now making her way over to where he was sitting. “Yeah, uh, we were going through stuff.” He said distractedly, now staring at the stuffed animal Reggie had left on the ground. _What was the stuff doing out again? ___

____

____

He saw her shoes stop just before him, and didn’t even get a chance to look at her face before she spoke, “You okay?” Of course that’d be the first thing she says. Or second. _What did she say again? _“....Luke?”__

____

__

“Hm? Oh, yeah. I’m fine.” He cringed at the use of his own boyfriend’s excuse. He knew he couldn’t fool her. And he was proven right when she tilted her head at him, looking unimpressed. His head dipped, “Well....”

He explained everything to her. How he’d found the bag, how Reggie had startled him, when he found the CD and started playing it, and the unreadable expression on his boyfriend’s face before he vanished. 

“—and now I don’t know what to do.” He hung his head and Julie quietly fidgeted with the bracelets around her wrist beside him, listening intently. He didn’t even realize she had sat down while he was speaking, too focused on recollecting his memory of the afternoon. “I wish I knew what I did wrong, or what he’s thinking right now...”

“We all wish we knew what others are thinking. And I don’t think you did anything wrong. He could’ve just been overwhelmed? Or maybe it had something to do with the song...?” She wondered. It was times like this he really appreciated Julie Molina. She would always drop whatever she was doing to help her friends. Even her ghost ones. “Where did you get that CD anyway?”

“I made it. For Reggie. He was feeling sad about skipping prom and I put together a small playlist with the help of Alex.” He explained. He remembered every detail of that night down to the way Reggie looked at him. He could never forget that. That night had only occurred a few weeks after they officially got together. He didn’t even have time to question Reggie’s thoughts on the gesture before he squeezed the air out of his lungs. Reggie had worn his best plaid shirt (per Alex’s request upon the invite) and one of Bobby’s old ties. _Or was it his dad’s? _He forgot. And Luke had worn the only button up he didn’t even realize he had packed when he ran away. The rest of the details going unnoticed. All he could remember was the feeling of Reggie in his arms.__

____

____

“That’s sweet. Did you guys have a gig or something?” She inquired, clearly talking about the whole ‘skipping prom’ thing. He didn’t know why he was ashamed. He definitely wasn’t when he ditched school twenty five years ago, but now he suddenly felt very conscious of what Julie might think. Since when did he care of what others thought?

“We uh, actually....dropped out, like, two months before that.” He finished, averting his eyes from hers. A moment passed while he twiddled with his fingers, suddenly self conscious over a decision he and Reggie made decades ago. It really wasn’t fair to care this much about someone else’s opinion on something that doesn’t involve them and that happened years ago, for that matter. Despite his worries, though, he remembered this was Julie he was talking to, so he relaxed a bit. “So we, uh...put together a small prom set up in this place. Alex and I hung Christmas lights on the ceiling and around the loft, Bobby brought some snacks inside and when Reggie came, we had Alex stall him while we finished a few things.” He finished with a slight chuckle, remembering the urgency in his voice when he ordered Bobby to _“Stop drinking the punch and help me!” _He never really heard how ridiculous he had sounded until now. He really was head over heels.__

____

____

“When he finally entered, I remember him just, looking at all the lights and to the makeshift snack bar, and when his eyes finally met mine, I...I just...don’t remember the last time I saw his eyes light up like that...”

He could remember the feeling of Reggie’s hands on his shoulders, the sound of the music pouring through the speakers...he also faintly recalls seeing Bobby and Alex try to slow dance in his peripheral, as if to pose as other students, but soon give up and move to the makeshift lunch bar. If anyone asked him if he wished he’d gone to prom, he’d probably think they were crazy. I mean, where else are you gonna get to pick the songs yourself and not have to worry about crowds, or sharing snacks with others students. Don’t get him started on the teachers just watching everybody like gargoyles. _Do they even dance?_

____

____

Overall, for an “insanely accurate, you’ll-wish-you-dropped-out-twice, prom experience” (totally not Luke’s words if anyone asked, but Alex may have told him to calm down a bit) held in a garage, respectfully, he’d say it was a success. Seeing Reggie’s face when he took it all in definitely made it all worth it. He deserved the entire world if he could give it. And he really wished he could some days. 

“That sounds really nice. Maybe you guys can join me at my prom. Although I will have to warn you, my science teacher’s not the best dancer...” He chuckled at that and Julie smiled as his shoulders dropped a little. She’d hoped to ease the tension a bit and is glad it worked, if even a little. The chance that they’d still be here her senior year completely buried in the back of her head. They didn’t have to worry about that right now... 

“Yeah, that sounds nice...thanks, Julie.” He finally turned to her and the look in his eyes said they were thinking the same thing. But it was nice to hope for even a bit there were stronger chances of that happening. All that matters was right now. And right now he had to find out what was wrong with Reggie. 

The cushion shifted as she turned to face him directly. “Look. I don’t know exactly what Reggie’s thinking, or what upset him, but right now, I think that that he just needs a little time to himself. Maybe you guys can talk when he gets back, but, overall, you can’t blame him for freaking out. I mean,” her hand gestures behind her at the heap of old clothes and junk he forgot he ever brought here, “this stuff is from over two decades ago. Maybe it’s something to do with that?” 

He thought back to the way his eyes glossed over when he’d mentioned it, or when he’d completely shut down after he started the cd. And, it’s not like he wasn’t affected by all of this. He just didn’t know how to talk about it, or if he even wanted to. He just wanted the boys to be happy without having to worry about his own problems. Maybe that’s what Reggie was doing too...

“Maybe you’re right...I kinda said something earlier about it being weird to find our old stuff, and, I guess actually going through it didn’t help...” He saw her hand move toward him before dropping. _Right, not corporeal _... “You don’t think he hates me do you?”__

____

____

She decided on moving closer, which he appreciated. They may not be able to touch but he definitely needed the feeling of someone else near him right now. “Not at all. I don’t even think that’s possible.” She chuckled, and the corners of his mouth lifted in response, “I just think it would do you both good to talk about it later. It’s clear this was hard on all of you, and Alex may have Willie, but I don’t think you guys have ever talked about this, have you?”

“...not really. I guess I...just didn’t want to burden him with my feelings...” and Reggie didn’t want to do the same. Yeah. They really needed to talk...

“Hey.” He looked at her, “You’re never a burden. And feelings are definitely not something you can just shut down. Trust me, I know.” And she did, he’d guessed. A whole year of shutting down and refusing to let herself feel. Maybe he was trying so hard to accept the fact that they were gone that he’d never given himself the time to adjust to it. To properly come to terms with what he’d never get to accomplish. The life he’d never get to live.

But he still had the boys. He still had his boy. And now they had Julie and this amazing new band together, and maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all. But he also accepted that there will always be this hole inside him, because at the end of the day, they’re still phantoms. 

“Yeah, I know...thanks, Julie.”

“You’re welcome. And if you ever want to talk to me, I’m here for guys. You know that right?”

“Yeah, I do. And I will, I promise.”

“Good.” She stood, “Now I’m gonna head inside to get ready for dinner, but when Reggie comes back, promise me you guys will actually talk about your feelings. No offense, but it’s not the nineties anymore.”

He gave her an unimpressed look but couldn’t completely contain his amusement. “I promise.” 

“Good.” She made her way over the mess and out through the garage doors, turning around to wave one last time before shutting them behind her. 

He waved, and then he was alone. Again. 

Now, he just had to think of where to even start when Reggie came back. 

~~~

It had been hours. Four and a quarter of one to be exact. The guitarist decided he couldn’t sit still anymore, and he couldn’t even if he tried, so he made himself busy with cleaning up the scattered piles of old clothes and cds in the middle of the room. He figured whatever had upset his boyfriend was among this mess so he’d better set it aside and out of view. And he didn’t want to leave all this out in the open in case Ray or Carlos decided to come out to the studio all of the sudden. Carlos may have known about them, but that doesn’t mean Luke wasn’t strict about what he was allowed to see of theirs. That included their entire lives wrapped up in a garbage bag. He trusts Carlos to not sell, or anything, but that’s way too much vulnerability for someone who can’t even be seen. 

Alex had gotten back from his “Not-Date” at some point and helped him clean up a bit before insisting on helping Julie with her homework, which she had already finished four hours ago. He may not have known that but he could tell his bandmate sensed something was off and wanted to leave him be, which he silently appreciated. Right now, all he needed was to organize his thoughts before even attempting to vocalize them when Reggie got back. And actually sorting through their stuff somewhat helped. The feeling of aged garments and some of his old notebooks literally falling apart at the seams became a comforting weight in his hands as he carefully stuffed them back in the dust-ridden trash bag. 

For the mess it had made, it was all cleaned up pretty quickly, to his dismay. So he resorted to making his rounds around the room to fill the time. He had been pacing for around twenty two minutes, (so much for teasing Alex about that...), when he heard the familiar _whoosh _and two taps of feet landing in the room and spun around as fast as he could, nearly giving himself whiplash. Well, if he could still get that. He wasn’t sure.__

____

____

“Reggie?” He uttered, nearly disbelievingly to his surprise. The bassist finally looked up from the carpet, and he did all he could to not tackle him right there. He could get like that sometimes. Some people would call him too intense, and at this moment, he really didn’t want to scare Reggie off by being too clingy. He needed his space, and he could respect that. 

“Luke...” His eyes were a bit brighter now, and his hands met in front of his stomach to play with the knots of his sleeves, “Hey, uh, what are you still doing here? I thought you’d be writing with Julie, or something.”

Luke tried not to feel too hurt at that. _So he still wants to be alone and thought I’d be doing literally anything else with my time besides staring at lint for an hour and walking around aimlessly for the last few _...“Oh, uh, I was just...putting stuff away. Didn’t want Julie to be left with a huge pile of our junk to clean up in the morning.”__

____

____

“Oh. Yeah, I forgot about that. Sorry for not helping...”

“It’s cool. I figured you wanted some time alone.”

Another pause settled between the two. Luke was just about to break the silence when Reggie spoke, “I, uh...I also just wanted to say I’m sorry for just...disappearing like that.” 

Luke took a small step forward, “Hey, it’s okay. I get it.” He chanced another step until he was in front of him and gently took ahold of his bandmate’s hands, pausing his fidgeting in favor of tracing the lines of his palms. “I just want you to know that if you need to talk about anything, I’m here for you.”

“Yeah, I know. Thank you.” He held his blue-ish green eyes for a moment, then fixed them back on their interlocked hands dancing between them. “I actually think we should talk. Right now, if that’s okay...” He ended it like a question, but they both knew that if they were going to talk about this at all, now would be the best time to do it. Who know’s how long they’d put it off otherwise. 

“Yeah, that’d be great.” 

They sat down on Luke’s old couch and stayed like that for a few minutes. Their hands were still intertwined and Luke let him fidget with his fingers while he thought of where to even start. Luke knew to give him time while he considered his words. He normally only got like this if he was nervous, or if whatever he wanted to say was really important to him. 

“...I panicked.” Were the first words to come out of his mouth. Luke looked up, trying to meet his eyes, but he was staring at nothing, not even daring to spare a glance at his boyfriend’s expression out of fear of seeing something, anything negative. Dismissive even. He got that from being his parent’s son, he supposed. 

“I just...I never really let myself think about it. Or maybe i just didn’t want to...that day I visited my old neighborhood and found decades worth of new shops, new people, any proof that I was even there just...gone and I...I just couldn’t...comprehend it.” Once again leaving a question hanging in the air, wondering if that was even the right word to use. “I guess I just assumed everything would stay the same...? It’s stupid I know...”

“It’s not stupid. It was a lot to process.” He squeezed his hand in hopes of reassuring him that he, too, has felt that way, without wanting to interrupt his line of thought.

Reggie squeezed back in appreciation, and let a moment pass before continuing. “Anyway...I guess hearing our playlist, our song...it resurfaced some questions I had after that day. About being ghosts in general, but also about...what would’ve happened if we...” he forced a sad chuckle, “It sounds selfish but...what would’ve happened if we were separated...if we just...weren’t together.”

Luke’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion, “What do you mean?”

“Well, if I...I don’t know, if we all had our own unfinished business and just...had to navigate the afterlife alone...or if I was the only one who...” The words suddenly became lodged in his throat, and the carpet that was occupying his attention was growing fuzzier and fuzzier, as if it were underwater. Or behind a window on a rainy day. He instinctively dropped his head, hopefully shielding his eyes in the process.

Luke’s hand automatically found its way on the other’s shoulder, and he carefully dropped his boyfriend’s hand in favor of cradling his jaw, coaxing his head back upward. “Hey, look at me,” glossy, ocean irises found his and he found his own vision to become smeared. “You’re here. I’m here, Alex is here, we’re together. Okay? And if I’m completely honest - as selfish as this sounds - I’m happy we all died together.” They both chuckled at that, Reggie dropping his head for a second, Luke’s hand also returning to play with the former’s bracelets, before returning his gaze, “And, you know, I can’t pretend that I haven’t thought about it either...I don’t even know what I’d do if I had to say goodbye to you guys. It’s times like this that I don’t...that I wonder what...he must’ve gone through. I’m still so fucking mad at him, don’t get me wrong, but...for all of us to just suddenly...I guess I just...I wonder what it was like, you know?” 

Now it was Luke’s turn to lower his gaze to anything but Reggie, who nodded his head a bit and squeezed his hand. By now, they were both just fidgeting with each other’s hands or sleeves, not knowing what to do with them at the moment. Or...Reggie’s sleeves to be specific. “Yeah, I know what you mean...I kind of wonder what would’ve happened if we actually played the show.” He reminisced. 

“If we never had those street dogs...” Reggie caught sight of the change in Luke’s expression. _He didn’t really think _...__

____

____

“...you don’t... _blame _yourself for that, do you?” He bent forward a bit, trying to meet his boyfriend’s eyes from where they were staring at his shirt.__

____

____

After what felt like minutes of Luke’s hands playing with a loose thread on his flannel, he realized he wasn’t answering for a reason. “Luke...” 

“I don’t...really want to talk about this right now, okay?” 

“But Luke.”

“Look, I shouldn’t have even said anything.”

“ _Luke. _” He finally met his eyes, a tear finally falling from the movement, which he angrily wiped away with the back of his hand. “You know I don’t blame you right?”__

____

____

His eyes returned to the red fabric of his flannel. 

“Luke...we all decided to go, okay? Yes you may have suggested them but we agreed to go. It’s not like you knew.” 

“I know but I just...I can’t help it okay? We would’ve made it if I just...” He tried turning his head to hide the tears, but he couldn’t fool his band mate. 

“How long have you thought that?” 

“...since we got back here.” He was fiddling with his fingers and his knee started bouncing a little. It was clear he never planned to reveal this to anybody.

“Luke, I....why didn’t you say anything?” His voice was soft, cracking a bit at the end. He couldn’t comprehend the fact that he was just carrying this for weeks and never bothered to say anything. He finally shifted so he was facing him directly. 

“I don’t know, I just...didn’t wanna bother you guys with my problems, I guess...” He ended with a small chuckle. As if what he just said wasn’t simultaneously the saddest and dumbest thing Reggie’s ever heard him say. Which was saying something. 

“Luke, you can’t... _bother _us with anything. You know that right? Especially when it comes to your feelings, I want you to feel safe with me. To be able to talk to me about these things...”__

____

____

“Then why didn’t you talk to me?” That came out a bit more accusatory than he’d intended. But the bassist couldn’t get himself to be mad about it. After all, both of them had been avoiding this conversation for way too long. “I...I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that, I just...”

“No, I get it...” He gave up on trying to meet his eyes and decided to give the guitarist’s hand a squeeze as an alternative. By the way his shoulders lowered just the slightest, he could tell it worked, even if only a little bit. He snorted, “I guess we’ve both been kinda dumb lately...” 

That earned a small laugh from his boyfriend. “Yeah. I guess we have...” he finally looked up and the cool hues of the ocean met the soft, summer sky. Reggie let his thumb glide over the tear streaks on his cheekbones and planted a kiss to his forehead, smoothing some of his worry lines and earning a chuckle from the boy in the process. They held onto each other’s eyes for a moment, the corners of their lips raised in a soft smile reserved for the person in front of them, and them only. Him only.

“Look, I know I should’ve said something but...I don’t know. With the band, and Julie, and trying to find out what exactly it is we’re still here for...I didn’t think it mattered compared to all that, you know? And this band we have with Julie, it...sort of distracts me. For a bit.” 

“I get it...that’s why I never really talked about this ghost stuff before today. If I’m honest, I didn’t really want to bother you either...”

“You could never bother me...” The softness of his gaze was enough to make Reggie’s own eyes glisten. He did the only thing he thought appropriate, and leaned forward to kiss his boyfriend’s stupid face and prevent himself from crying on the spot. Boyfriend. He will never get used to that word. 

Luke’s hand returned to the side of Reggie’s face and he found his own wrapping around the other boy’s waist. With the way Luke’s thumb swiped against his cheek, he’d just become aware of the tears that had escaped, despite his protests. So much for not crying again. They pulled apart after a few seconds, though he would swear it was a lifetime, and rested their foreheads against one another. Finally looking up, he could see Luke’s own ocean started to break, a few tears already making their way down his face. So he returned the favor by gently swiping it away, but resting his hand there. 

The guitarist smiled at the gesture and cupped his hand atop the other’s, holding it close to his face, eyes still searching the depths of his former’s. Even after months, or at least that’s what it still feels like, Luke still hasn’t and probably won’t never get used to the fact that those eyes belonged to him. It made him feel special, to get to call this boy _his. _What could he have possibly done to deserve that? Something of a saint, he supposed.__

____

____

The boy in question scanning his eyes over the guitarist’s face, studying every crease and every freckle, like it was something precious. “...How about we make a deal? I promise to talk to you about my problems, if you let me handle yours? And no, I don’t mean literally. I don’t think I can do anything about not being able to prank call pizza places anymore.” They both chuckled at that, “I just...I want you to be able to talk to me about this stuff.” 

Luke planted a chaste kiss on his forehead and moved his thumb to the side of Reggie’s face, “I’d like that.” 

They stayed there for what felt like hours, foreheads resting against each other, the hand that wasn’t cupping Luke’s cheek playing with the fabric of his muscle shirt. 

“You know, this would be a lot more romantic with some music...” The bassist smirked. 

Luke grinned then faltered a bit. “Are you sure? If you want I can swap the CD, or I could ask Julie for her ph-“ 

He was interrupted by a pair of lips that even after leaving his, still left his own feeling tingly. 

“I’m sure. I want to dance to our songs.” 

That earned a true grin this time. He was just about to get up to turn it back on when a hand on his left shoulder paused his movements. 

“Wait!” 

He furrowed his brows at the sudden interruption but raised one, only slightly, to ask what the whole deal was. Reggie just smiled brightly. “I wanna do it!” 

He jumped off the couch and made his way to the CD player, shaking the cushions a bit and earning a small chuckle from the guitarist. Luke found himself watching him as he restarted the song with what Alex would call his “not-so-subtly-gone-for-his-best-friend” eyes (patent in the works) and goofy smile he only wore when Reggie was around. Not that the boy himself has yet noticed, to Luke’s relief. Alex had even took a candid photo back in ninety-four, before they even got together, and gave it to the lead singer the night before he’d confessed to Reggie a year later. His way of proving to him that he’d always had it bad, that Reggie clearly felt the same with the the look he was giving his band mate, and that neither of them had been very subtle. Leave it to Alex to pick up on someone else’s crush before they themselves take notice. 

The first notes of the song rang in the air, Reggie’s eyes landing on his for a moment before making his way back to the couch. He paused in front of his boyfriend and bowed in an unnecessarily dramatic pose that didn’t look too far off from what Luke was attempting earlier. 

“May I have this dance?” He offered his hand then raised his head to meet the guitarist’s eyes and found pure amusement. 

“Is this your way of showing me how ridiculous I looked?” He teased, but took the offered hand, anyway. 

Now standing in the center of the room, in between the grand piano and garage doors to the studio, Reggie let his arms wrap around Luke’s waist, hands playing with the gathered fabric at the back of his shirt. “Maybe...” 

Luke shook his head, then raised his own to rest on Reggie’s shoulders, loosely wrapping around his neck and they started slowly swaying to the music, just as they did the first time. 

The final notes of “All Out of Love” rang in the air before transitioning into four voices declaring their love through a promise to the stars, and Reggie giving Luke an amused look not long after. Jamie Jones’ voice softly began the intro and they continued swaying to the beat of the first verse. 

They stayed like that for the rest of the song, occasionally snickering at “ _‘til death do us part, _” because, well, that was a lie. Followed by Luke dramatically mouthing the lyric “ _I’ll love you with every beat of my heart, _” making Reggie laugh even harder and having to drop his head onto Luke’s shoulder for support. Soon after, they just stood holding each other as the song echoed off the walls of the studio. When it ended, another slow one began, only a couple years older than the last.____

_____ _

_____ _

Soft acoustic guitar flowed from the speakers and they slowed their movements. Reggie took that opportunity to move closer and rest his head just beside Luke’s, the side of their faces barely touching. Luke’s own arms tightened a bit, holding him as close as possible. It’s moments like these with the boy in his arms that he decides he wouldn’t trade any of this for the world. Sure they missed a lot becoming ghosts and all, but, it couldn’t be so bad if he got to have this for eternity. Heaven knows what’s beyond this, but he hopes he’ll get to stay like this forever. 

_Whenever I’m weary, from the battles that rage in my head ___

____

____

Reggie lowers his head onto Luke’s shoulder, and feels a weight on his own telling him he’s followed suit. He’s only been officially dating Luke for a couple months, or at least that’s what it feels like, but he can’t even imagine not getting to hold him like this. All those days of chickening out of a confession all because he didn’t want to ruin their friendship, only for Luke to ask him out a few weeks later. He honestly thought he was teasing him at first because it was just too good to be true. You figure out your feelings for your best friend aren’t completely platonic and freak out over wether you should tell them or not, and come three weeks later he asks you out himself. I mean, can you blame him? 

_You make sense of madness  
When my sanity hangs by a thread... ___

____

____

No matter what he thought then, however, he knows it doesn’t matter now. Because as harsh as his brain could get sometimes, he knows Luke far too well to fully believe any of it. 

_I lose my way but still you seem to understand... ___

____

____

They were best friends before they got together and sharing the occasional kiss and dancing to Richard Marx definitely wasn’t going to change anything. 

_Now and forever...  
I will be your man ___

____

____

They stay like this, in each other’s arms, for what feels like an eternity. Which Reggie wouldn’t exactly mind. But a question was still gnawing at him and he couldn’t help himself. 

“You ever wonder what would’ve happened if we never met?” It was quiet so Luke could just make it out from where Reggie was burying his face in Luke’s muscle tee. “Like, if you, Alex and I never joined the band. Where would I even be?” 

The last part was more to himself then an actual question, but Luke still heard. “Not dead?” He joked. 

That earned a flick to the head but they were both chuckling. “I’m serious.” 

After a few seconds of trying to recover from their small laughing fit, he cleared his throat. “I don’t know....sometimes maybe...? But, I guess it doesn’t really matter to me anymore.” 

He felt Reggie lift his head and moved to do the same, meeting his questioning eyes. 

“I just feel like...we would’ve found each other eventually, you know?” 

That was possibly the cheesiest thing he’s ever said, but before he could regret it entirely, a soft pair of lips met his and he suddenly didn’t regret it as much. 

“Yeah, I know.” His eyes were glistening and before Luke could make up his mind, he went for the first words his brain could conjure up. 

“I love you.” 

There it was. 

It’s not like Reggie didn’t already know that, (at least if he didn’t, then Luke would do absolutely everything in his power to fix that), or that he’s never made sure to let him know that, but he’s never used the big L word before. And wether it was way too soon or not, they’d already been uttered, so he couldn’t exactly do anything about it now, he supposed. And to be fair, it has technically been over two decades. 

Despite his nerves, though, Reggie’s smile only grew wider and his eyes shined impossibly brighter. But then at the last second, his grin turned into a smirk. “I know.” 

The former snorted, eyes filled with amusement and playful annoyance at the line he almost got tired of hearing every movie night, (emphasis on ‘almost’ since Reggie’s enthusiasm easily distracts him from the movie enough to ever fully despise it), then buried his head in his former spot on the bassist’s shoulder as they continued swaying. The song was almost finished at this point. 

_Until the day the ocean doesn’t touch the sand ___

____

____

Luke felt a weight on his shoulder as Reggie also returned to his former position. 

_Now and forever... ___

____

____

“I love you, too...”

_I will be your man ___

____

____

It was the closest thing to a whisper, but Luke heard every bit. He buried his face impossibly deeper in the fabric of his boyfriend’s flannel, and just held him, never wanting to let go. 

_Now and forever..._  
_I will be...  
Your man. ___

**Author's Note:**

> This is so cheesy oh my god—  
> Anyway, I hope you like it. Not too sure about the ending but I just hope they aren’t too ooc. It got really sappy towards the end so I can’t be too sure lol
> 
> Fun fact: I was initially going to use “How Do I Live” by LeAnn Rimes because that’s a classic, and it’s kinda what sparked this idea including the whole talk they had, but I later found out it was released in 1997, so I spent a day looking for an alternative, and that’s where Richard Marx comes in :) (along with the other songs)
> 
> Anyhoo, thank you so much for reading! <3 
> 
> Songs mentioned:  
> “All Out of Love” by Air Supply  
> “I Swear” by All-4-One  
> “Now and Forever” by Richard Marx


End file.
